The Daily Prophet
by Perfect Solution
Summary: A few of Rita's articles and stories in the Daily Prophet. Rita decides to, not for the first time, tell her tall tales to the public.


**A/N: **Yay! I had fun writing this. Gotta love Rita. Or hate her and make fun of her. Whichever floats your boat. Read and Review please!

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"This is Rita Skeeter reporting live from the streets of Hogsmeade. I recently published a picture in the _'Daily Prophet'_, which made the headline by the way, which proves that Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived, prefers blokes over ladies. Not only does he prefer blokes, _but_ he is actually quite rebellious. The picture was of one's own lovable Harry Potter caught in a passionate kiss with none other than the Slytherin Death Eater, Draco Malfoy.

The Malfoys are famous for their ancestry, and now also for their recent attacks on muggle born families. That is not the topic of this story, though. I am interviewing a few students from Hogwarts on the new discovery. It should be interesting to see what they have to say about Harry's choice in blokes.

We are using the _Memory Globe _to record these interviews. We always have the best in magical items. Oh, here's someone now.

_Hello!_ Who might you be?"

"I'm… err…"

"Stuttering. Now out with the name, boy!"

"Ron. Ronald Weasley."

"Ah, Ron. Do you know Harry Potter?"

"He's my best mate! Of course I know him… what's that thing?"

"I'm just recording every word you say. Now, please continue. How do you feel about the recent news about your 'best mate' and the Slytherin Prince, Draco Malfoy?"

"I shouldn't be talking to you."

"So, you're jealous? I sense much repressed feelings. Do you wish the great Harry Potter should have kissed you instead?"

"I…what? NO!"

"It's quite normal to have feelings such as those."

"I don't—"

"What is your relation to Draco Malfoy?"

"I—"

"Do you wish _he_ had kissed you instead?"

"WHA-"

"You realise he was rated Hogwarts most eligible bachelor. Those days are over now, though. He and Harry are going to be a power couple and… hey! Wait! Where are you going?" Sigh. "Well, that's the end of that. A vicious love triangle. I wish all three of them the best of luck. Now, on to find another vict-" Cough. "-person to interview. Ah, here's one.

Good day! Care to tell us your name, dear?"

"I'm Cho Chang."

"Ah, yes! Harry Potter's former lover. How do you feel about his new discovery?"

"His what?"

"His new fascination with kissing tall, blond boys."

"Oh… Well, actually, I'm quite hap-"

"Do you think you turned Harry gay?"

"I… never thought about that…"

"It's quite alright, dear. These things happen, and most of the time it's not the girl's fault."

"You don't think I turned him away from girls… do you?"

"No need to get teary eyed, Hun. Sometimes, these things just happen."

"WHAT A BLOODY JERK! I can be just as good a kisser as any _boy_…"

"I'm sure that's true, dear, but this interview is about… wait… don't go! Well, there goes another one. She seemed distraught. It looks like this new couple is causing many dilemmas at Hogwarts. It just goes to show you that a small kiss can affect many people. Let's ask random people on the streets what they think."

"I think it's disgusting that they can be so open about something like that." – 32 year old man

"I don't think it's any of our business what they do." –Third Year Hufflepuff

"They're only getting so much attention because he's famous." –24 year old woman

"I think they should shag in public." –Lavender Brown, sixth year Gryffindor

"Too much sexual tension. I'm surprised this didn't happen sooner." –Blaise Zabini, sixth year Slytherin

"I think you should shove your camera up your censored" –Anonymous

"Different opinions from different people. It's a controversy that's sweeping the nation. Let's ask a few more people how they feel about this. Excuse me, can we have a word, please?"

"Sure."

"What's your name, son?"

"Colin Creevey."

"What year and house are you in?"

"Fifth and Gryffindor."

"Do you know Harry Potter?"

"Of course I do! Doesn't everyone? Haven't you heard of everything he's done? How he survived the Killing Curse when he was only a baby! Or how, in only his first year, he came face to face with You-Know-Who! And then in second yea-"

"Yes, yes, very interesting. Now, how do you feel about the picture recently taken of your saviour and his lover?"

"It's a fake."

Cough. Wheeze. Cough. "Excuse me?"

"Harry never kissed Draco, and if he did, it was never in the papers. That picture was edited to _seem_ like they were kissing."

"No, no, no. We have sources all around Hogwarts! That is the real deal…"

"No, it's not. I can tell the difference. I've been taking pictures all my life an-"

"That's enough! Next person."

"Wait! I'm not done! Don't you want me to explain?"

"No. No I don't. Run along now.

Finally, he left." Sigh. "Kids these days. Stupid annoying brats think they know everything… Ugh. I'm never having kids. They're pointless. Unless maybe you raise them as house elves…"

"We're still recording."

"Right! Well then, let's continue our report, shall we? Hello! And who are you?"

"Lavender Brown."

"Hello. Wait, didn't we already get a quote from you?"

"Yes, but I've been watching you, and you don't seem to have many cooperative interviewees. I'd be glad to help."

"Aw, how nice to know some teenagers today have some decency. Now, how did you first react in seeing the picture?"

"Well first, I was in complete shock in seeing Harry kiss someone else. And I was _so _angry. I mean, Harry Potter, _the_ Harry Potter, was now off limits! It was almost too much for me to bear. But _then_ I saw who he was kissing. Draco Malfoy, his arch enemy. Or so we thought. I guess we were wrong, huh? And like, I wasn't too sure how to react then, but instincts made me squeal. That gained me the attention of the other Gryffindor girls, and then we all squealed and giggled together. I know it sounds so totally lame, but its so true! This event is great! I mean, come _on_! Draco Malfoy is basically the hottest guy in school, and you pair him up with another steaming hot bloke, and the fact that one's a Death Eater, and the other is trying to defeat Death Eaters makes the whole situation appeal to girls everywhere, and we are all rooting for them, you know? It's like, forbidden love! It's quite beautiful. Are you listening to me?"

"Hmm? Yes, of course I am. Forbidden love. Right. Next person."

"I'm not done! I want to tell you how I've franchised off of them…"

"No offence, Hun, but you're boring the viewers. Thanks though!

Why the bloody hell does that girl talk so much? It's insufferable! Let's ask an adult now… Why hello, sir. Mind if we have a word?"

"Rita, how nice to see you again."

"Lucius! I almost didn't recognise you without the hood and mask! How are you?"

"I was doing quite well until you came along. What are you interviewing about now? Another recent attack?"

"No, nothing like that. It's actually a report on your son."

"My son?"

"Yes, your only heir, Draco Malfoy." Pause. "Don't you read the Daily Prophet?"

"No, actually. I stopped reading it after a few of your false articles ruined my name."

"Yes, sorry about that. But really, you should read yesterday's paper."

"Why? What has my son done?"

"He was caught in a very intimate moment with someone."

"Well, my boy is growing. He needs to see what's out there, now, doesn't he? It's good that he's popular with the ladies. I don't see why that's worth mentioning in the papers…"

"Well, see, this wasn't just _any_ lady. In fact, it wasn't a lady at all! It was Harry Potter!" Smile.

"…"

"Lucius?"

"…"

"Are you alright?"

"Harry… Potter?"

Pause.

"What the _bloody hell_ have you published now, Skeeter? How _dare_ you dirty my son's reputation, as well as my own! I'll have your job for this! Your lies have caused enough damage!"

"Well, that's all for today, faithful viewers. Look out for tomorrow's edition of the Daily Prophet. _'Professor Snape and student'_?Find out tomorrow! This is Rita Skeeter, and I'm out!"

"Do you hear me, Skeeter? My son is not a ponce, and if he was, he would _not_ be kissing Harry bloody Potter! That's right! Run! Be afraid! You'll pay for this!"


End file.
